Never Set a Goal a Dead Man Could Accomplish
Why Freedom from Porn Is Never the Real Goal.
Nick has a way of saying things that stick with you. One of his favorites is, “Never set a goal a dead man could accomplish.” It’s a simple phrase, but if you stop and think about it, it’s absolutely loaded. It reminds us that goals like “don’t watch porn” or “stop messing up” or even “just survive the week”—they might seem noble, but they’re too small. Why? Because a dead man could technically accomplish all of them. He won’t watch porn. He won’t blow it. He won’t feel anything at all.
But we’re not dead men.
We’re becoming something. We’re training for life, not just escaping death.
This Journey Was Never About Just Stopping Porn
If you’ve been part of a Freedom Group for any amount of time, you already know this. The process hasn’t just been about quitting. That’s not the win. If it was, you could white-knuckle it, grit your teeth, count down the days, and call yourself free when you hit 90 days or 6 months without a relapse.
But that wouldn’t be real freedom.
Because the real transformation has required you to become someone different—a man who knows how to feel, how to stay present, how to regulate your body and emotions when life gets overwhelming. A man who is fully alive, not just “coping better.”
This hasn’t just been about subtracting a destructive habit. It’s been about building strength, healing, clarity, and purpose you didn’t know you had. You’ve been rewiring your brain, reclaiming your identity, and training your body and mind for something more.
Freedom From vs. Freedom For
Too often in recovery circles, the emphasis is on what you’re getting away from:
“I just want to stop looking at porn.”
“I want to be done with this sin.”
“I want to escape this shame.”
That’s understandable—but it’s also incomplete.
True freedom isn’t just about what you walk away from—it’s about what you’re walking toward. Real, lasting transformation is driven by vision, not just avoidance. It’s not freedom from porn; it’s freedom for love, connection, mission, creativity, leadership, fatherhood, power, and peace.
So here’s the challenge:
Before we meet on Wednesday, I want you to answer one question:
What Is Your Freedom For?
You’ve done real work. You’ve gained ground. You’re not the same man you were. Now it’s time to name where all of this is leading.
Make a list. Break it down. Get specific. Below are some categories to help you reflect:
🧠 1. Sexual Integrity — What Is It For?
Your sexual energy is not something to suppress or feel ashamed of. It’s a gift—designed to drive you toward connection, creativity, covenant, and power. Your freedom here means you’re no longer driven by cravings or avoidance, but by intention.
Ask yourself:
What kind of husband or father do I want to be?
What kind of man do I want to be alone, when no one’s watching?
What beauty, depth, or love could I never experience while I was hiding in shame?
Your answer might look like:
“So I can look my wife in the eyes without guilt or hiding.”
“So I can build a relationship rooted in trust and passion—not lust and control.”
“So I can lead younger men with truth, not hypocrisy.”
💪 2. Physical Health — What Is It For?
When you started this process, you may have felt disconnected from your body. Addictive cycles, fatigue, emotional eating, neglect—those are all symptoms. But now you’re reclaiming energy, sleep, strength, and movement.
Ask yourself:
What am I training my body for?
What does it mean to carry the weight of responsibility, to be ready for the day, to have vitality again?
Your answer might look like:
“So I can chase my kids around without pain or exhaustion.”
“So I can wake up with clarity and confidence.”
“So I can carry the demands of my calling with strength.”
🧠 3. Emotional Resilience — What Is It For?
This is the superpower that changes everything. You’ve learned how to feel without being controlled by your emotions. You’ve learned to name what’s happening inside of you, instead of running, numbing, or pretending. That’s massive.
Ask yourself:
What becomes possible when I’m no longer ruled by fear, anxiety, or anger?
Who benefits from me staying grounded in stress, rejection, or failure?
Your answer might look like:
“So I can hold space for my wife when she’s struggling instead of shutting down.”
“So I can walk into conflict with clarity and courage.”
“So I can build something that lasts without burning out.”
💥 Bonus Prompt: Who Needs the Free Version of You?
This might be the most important question of all.
Because your freedom isn’t just for you. You becoming whole unlocks life for others—your family, your team, your community. There are people who don’t even know yet how much they need the version of you who has done this work.
So who is that?
A future son who will never feel abandoned because you showed up.
A wife who will rest in your strength instead of walking on eggshells.
A group of younger men who need someone to lead them with both truth and grace.
Final Charge
This whole thing—the cravings, the hard conversations, the discipline, the relapses and recovery, the coaching and connection—it wasn’t about just not watching porn.
It was about becoming a man fully alive.
A dead man can “stop sinning.” But only an awake man can love deeply, lead boldly, suffer redemptively, and live with open hands and a full heart.
You’re that man. Or rather—you’re becoming him.
So by Wednesday, take some time. Make the list. Ask God to show you what this freedom is for. Write it out. Own it.
And come ready to share it.
Let’s live like men who are truly free.